Got questions?
Sure you do. Ask the Bean and he will share his infinite wisdom.

Hungry?
Perhaps you were looking for edible garbanzos. Allow us to recommend the following recipes.

Carniverous?
Try this meaty alternative to garbanzos!

Garbanzo! After Dark
Hot wet naked garbanzos!

Like funny ha-ha? Garbanzo! is a semi-quarterly review of poems and such.

Do say hello.
Contact us, if you must.

Editorial Policy | Editorial Staff | Bean Tested, Garbanzo! Approved

 

All about Garbanzo!

1n 1950, when I was born, Papa couldn't afford to buy us much ... wait — that's the wrong file ...

Garbanzo! is a semi-quarterly endeavor. We publish funny poems, essays, stories and literary ephemera. We have no affiliations, aspirations, or affections, though we certainly have affectation to spare.

We're looking for distinguished voices, those that stand apart from the crowd by virtue of their urgency, courage, clarity, and proper eschewal of dangling participles. We find scatology and eschatology equally scintillating — though never in the same dish!

Jimmy Stewart once said, "clowns are funny people." And he never wore fur pajamas, or rode a hot potato, much less published an internationally renowned journal of significant letters. It was David Byrne who noticed that "things fall apart," and we couldn't agree more. The staff of Garbanzo! spends its office hours swimming in confetti made from lovingly hand-torn vintage New Yorkers. Please do note the italics.

 

 

Editorial Policy

Editorial content is not the responsibility of the editors.

We currently read unsolicited submissions from noon of January 1 through midnight of January 6, and again from 10 a.m. on June 15 through 10 p.m. on June 21. Submissions received outside of those times will be eaten by our spam filter or severely mocked at our monthly salon.

Dilettantes-in-Chief

F. Scott Free

F. Scott Free lives in his mother's basement and likes his grilled cheese sandwiches cut twice diagonally into four equilateral triangles.

He can be reached by passenger pigeon dispatched post-haste to the Idlewild Steeplechase and Go-Kart track, or through the more conventional "telegram" method — if you like that sort of thing — best sent aprés-noon but before his customary evening Vespers.

 

Fishsticks McQueen

Fishsticks McQueen is the Serge Gainsbourg Chair of Pulchritudinous Studies at Miepville College, a job she dislikes intensely and plans on quitting come Armistice Day.

Her days are filled with cataloging the sleep habits of the Rabbit-Eared Bandicoot (a voracious omnivore), editing a coffeetable book on the Stutz Bearcat, and completing the unauthorized annotated filmography of French starlet Miou-Miou.

 

Punches McGee

Punches McGee: When he's not bare-knuckling the breezer of some wanton fool who's made the mistake of stepping into the ring, Punches "Kayo" McGee spends his time changing lightbulbs for really short friends and writing slugfest sonnets.

Famous Quote: "If more people got punched in the face, there'd be a lot less cry-babies in the world." - Punches

 

So you would like to reach us, yes?

Snail mail? How terribly gauche! F. Scott's delicate constitution prohibits him from walking to the post office box, and we're afraid Dr. McQueen's duties as social chair of the tenure committee keep her as busy as an incredibly busy person in a very busy environment. You may, however, send Fishsticks an "email," if you wish.

 

Bean Tested, Garbanzo! Approved

On occasion, we pause from stroking our own pixels to play with others. The following enterprises are no Garbanzo! — of course — but as small amusements go, they suffice.

Richard Newman — Vacuumpacked.net, the website of alleged poet and funnyman Richard Newman. Appears to be obsessed with household appliances. Oh, how novel!

Erin Keane — Vanity website of poet Erin Keane, includes the blog called EEK! in which a vacuous thirtyish writer-type — who isn't? — chronicles her unseemly preoccupation with Midwestern actor Peter Sarsgaard.

InKY Reading Series — Louisville, Kentucky-based alcoholic literary event. Poetry readings?! Sounds tedious if you ask us.

River Styx — More poems and hippie shenanigans. A bit on the fresh side, but not without brilliance.